These Past Few Years

Life is never easy, there are ups and downs for everyone. I have been through a lot of them!!!!!!! Many more then anyone should, but looking at the past as a whole most I have figured out was because of ME, myself.

These past few years have been every difficult for me, I have felt it was the hardest past years of my life. BUT I am thankful. I have to say for the first time ever I AM ME, and I love it.

Not saying life is perfect, it can never be and that is okay. I can really now see and understand so much.

These past few years have brought me loss, fear, betrayal, physical and emotional pain, abandonment, regret, anger, guilt, depression like never before, such a sense of loss, confused, doubt, distrust, incapable, alone, vulnerable, empty, despair, distress, frustration, fearful, terrified, panic, scared, worried, frightened, hurt, sorrow, grief and so much more words cannot begin to explain.

BUT from all of this, because of this I now feel understanding, confident, free, satisfied, joyous, fortunate, delighted, thankful, important, alive, optimistic, wonderful, peaceful, comfortable, encouraged, blessed, admiration, LOVED, comforted, inquisitive, positive, inspired, excited, brave, confident, hopeful, strong, unique and proud of it!   I ALSO LEARNED HOW TO LET IT GO AND JUST DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT!!!!!!!

I no longer cares who judges me or what they think nor say. Those are the ones I do not need in my life but thought that was all I had before. This is my life and I am going to live it the way I want, you only live once live for yourself NOT for others. Who ever does not like or accept that DON'T CARE!!!!! When you realized and find those people who will love and accept you for who YOU are and not what they want you to be then your life will be complete. You will no longer wonder what the point of life is for.

The lost has been many, peace with that is time, forgiveness of yourself and others is that will get you there.

The gain in my life has to be the biggest blessing of it all! This gain brought so much turmoil into my life on so many levels it could never be explained, ever. BUT this brought understanding, love. peace and so much more.

For those who have been here with me these past few years understand, for those of you that have no idea what I am talking about all I have to say is "Live for yourself, find yourself, love yourself, accept yourself and don't care what others think nor say!"